From childhood to now, music has been a common thread existing through all phases of my life. As a 5-yr old girl, I loved listening and watching to my church pianist and wanted to learn how to play. While she was hesitant to accept me as a student at such a young age, my mom and I convinced her that I was ready. I started classical lessons and they were filled with scales, arpeggios, and of course, Hot Cross Buns. At the time, my family did not own a piano, but when my maternal grandparents went to clean the church, I would practice all I had learned. I used the resources I had and improved my skills. A family in my church decided to sell their piano – a Wurlitzer. During the early days, it was housed in the cold, dark basement of my family’s tri-level home. In 1999, Hurricane Floyd destroyed my family’s home in Wilson, North Carolina. Surprisingly enough, the piano survived in spite of the tremendous flooding, mildew, and mold that engulfed the house. Miraculously, it survived with minimal damage!
While uprooted from the home, me and my parents lived in a multi-family dwelling with my grandparents, aunt, and cousins. I am an only child but was never truly raised as one since I had 2 cousins close to my age in the house with me. The power of music resided there. During family reunions in the backyard, I would play piano and all of my cousins would sing a couple of tunes. We were our own form of entertainment. By the time I reached 6th grade, I had invested enough practice time and consistency to play for the middle school chorus all three years. As a bit of an outcast, playing piano made me feel heard in places my voice could not reach, or so I believed at the time.
“As a bit of an outcast, playing piano made me feel heard in places my voice could not reach, or so I believed at the time.”
In high school, I was forced with a decision – choose chorus or the Internation Baccalaureate (IB) program. I chose the IB program, but this came after attending the NC Governor’s School (GSW 2008) for Choral Music. There I learned one significant phrase, “We begin with silence, then we sing.” In every class, we appreciated silence as another form of sounds. Rests are quite important in music and life. They provide an opportunity to BREATHE. By 11th grade, I was no longer a part of the chorus, but I played classical piano for a variety of competitions that allowed me to form relationships with other musicians around the southeastern portion of the US. Piano competitions taught me discipline and the misconception that “practice makes perfect”. It doesn’t! There is always room for improvement, as it help facilitate growth. Many of my childhood friends have one thing in common with me – they are musicians or singers. “Music begins where heaven meets earth.” I found hope, peace, and a light in a world full of darkness and the unknown through my love of God and ministry through music.
In college, I was a part of the gospel choir. I was the worship leader for a local church. And most importantly, I found a home away from home behind the piano, using my talents to glorify the Creator. During extremely lonely times in life, music and faith was omnipresent. But the story has not always been positive. There were some dark years. In Blacksburg, VA as I started my doctorate, I found a new church. It eventually became my personal nightmare. Through that experience I was discouraged from playing the piano and singing. I felt like my voice and meaning for life had been stripped away. I felt unseen, unheard, and directionless; but, the music never ceased. It was only suppressed.
Over the last few months, I have been encouraged by friends and family to start playing again. I felt ashamed that I had allowed the opinions of a few to change how I felt about music, but most importantly, worship. As I dust off sheet music and rebuild finger dexterity and vocal control, I realize music never left me – I left it. I abandoned it and in a way abandoned myself. I had denounced the very chords that were crafted to develop true harmony with my soul.
“I had denounced the very chords that were crafted to develop true harmony with my soul.”
I remain perplexed by the power of music and the emotion it evokes. A scientist is only one description of who I am. I have many passions that I’m ecstatic to reignite as the post-PhD transition period comes to an end. I hope that God finds a way to use me and my talents to bring light into dark spaces. I hope that music provides strength during times of overwhelming distress. I choose to live unapologetically in the spaces I’m called into with bravery and few expectations. Today, I reminisce on how music positively impacted me over the years past. But more importantly, I played the piano and sang until the 5-yr old girl within me smiled.
Dr. Crystal K. Waters 
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